Giving hard feedback

Giving hard feedback

We’ve all been there.

You finally carve out time to review a draft and realise it's not quite landing. It's not terrible, but it's not right either.

And now you're weighing up how much to say, how to say it, and whether you'll just end up fixing it yourself.

Here are three ways to stay out of that last trap and keep your team relationship intact.

1. Minimise the need for it. As you know, I’m a big fan of asking for a one-page outline first, not the whole doc. Download my templates here. It's faster to redirect two paragraphs than 30 slides. An outline lets you spot the structural problem before your team member has invested three days in polished prose. You intervene earlier, they learn faster, and nobody's ego is on the line.

2. Agree a framework for evaluating the messaging up front. Vague feedback (“this isn't quite right”) creates friction. A shared framework removes the guesswork. My SCORE framework helps. Ask yourself if the draft …

  • Sets the scene quickly by drawing the audience toward one insightful message
  • Conveys the right balance of strategic and operational detail
  • Organises the ideas in a well-structured hierarchy
  • Readies the audience for a productive discussion
  • Engages the audience using a medium, style and tone that suits them

3. Bridge with empathy. Before diving straight into the problems or perhaps opening comments or adding stickies, have a brief conversation.

Here are some ideas to open the conversation before delivering some direct comments about the substance of the messaging:

  •  “I was thinking differently about what we needed to achieve here. I had X in mind.”
  • “I see where you're coming from. The missing piece that changes the picture is Y.”
  • “I used to frame it that way too. Here's what shifted my thinking.”

The instinct is to mark up the document. The better move is to explain why your changes matter so you build your team’s capability.

More soon,
Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

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ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves 'nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.

The voice in your head is your most influential direct report.

The voice in your head is your most influential direct report.

Most of us spend enormous energy crafting how we communicate to boards, teams, clients, and the media.

We pay far less attention to the conversation looping inside our heads, which shapes much of our decision-making and, frankly, our confidence.

Our self-talk is not background noise. It is strategy. And like any strategy, small adjustments compound into dramatically different outcomes.

I’ve applied them to set up six language shifts, ordered by how often I see them derail good leaders, that you can start using this week

Drop the diminutives

I just wanted to ask…I want to ask…

Words like just, I think, perhaps, and sort of are self-undermining qualifiers. They signal uncertainty before you have said anything worth doubting. They are almost always habitual rather than intentional, and they cost us credibility one sentence at a time.

Example: “I just thought this might be worth considering” becomes “This is worth considering.” The idea hasn't changed. The authority behind it has.

Swap “I have to” for “I get to”

I have to present to the board.I get to present to the board.”

This is not toxic positivity. It is a factual reframe. The framing of obligation creates low-grade dread; the framing of opportunity activates engagement. Over a career, the aggregate difference in energy, preparation, and performance between these two orientations is enormous.

Example: “I have to do another performance review cycle” versus “I get to set the tone for how 200 people think about their growth this quarter.”

Name your feelings precisely, and positively

I'm so stressed about this.I'm energised by this challenge.”

Physiologically, stress and excitement are nearly identical. The label you apply determines the trajectory. Research on emotional granularity, the ability to name feelings precisely, consistently shows that people who differentiate their emotions more finely regulate them better. Calling it stress narrows your options. Calling it urgency, or anticipation, or focus opens them.

Example: Before a high-stakes negotiation, “I love this kind of pressure” changes your posture, your tone, and ultimately your outcome.

Assume next time might be better

I always freeze in conflict.This time, I froze in conflict.

Absolute language — always, never, I'm the kind of person who — converts a single data point into a life sentence. It forecloses growth before you have even started. “This time” creates space for a different outcome next time, and it is more empirically accurate.

Example: “I never nail the opening” becomes “This time the opening felt flat. What would I do differently?” One version closes the loop; the other keeps it open.

Add the word “yet”

I'm not good at delegation.I'm not good at delegation yet.

Carol Dweck's growth mindset research made “yet” famous in education. It belongs equally in the executive toolkit. A single three-letter word shifts a fixed-state assessment into a trajectory. It tells your brain there is something worth doing next.

Example: “I'm not comfortable in unstructured creative sessions yet” signals to yourself — and any colleague listening — that this is a gap you are actively closing, not a ceiling.

Use your name when stressed

I'm not good at presenting to big groups.”Davina, you've spoken to tougher crowds than this.

Psychologist Ethan Cross and colleagues at the University of Michigan found that using our names, rather than just saying ‘I’ reduces emotions measurably and instantly, without using up the brain power that extra emotional regulation requires.

Example: “Davina, you have done harder things than this before” helps you visualise past challenges that you have overcome, reminding yourself that you can surmount this challenge too.

It’s so easy to get into bad habits with our self talk. I hope these help you bolster yours.

More soon,
Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

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ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves 'nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.

The best way to grow

The best way to grow

As you may know, it has been over a year now since my business partner Gerard unexpectedly passed away.

This has left me working largely solo … until this week.

I had a fabulous conversation with a fellow practitioner in the UK who also teaches structured communication techniques.

Something came up that I think is worth sharing.

 

Growth happens best when learning hard things over time.

 

What do I mean?

It’s tempting to delay learning hard things because they are … hard. Structured communication techniques being one example, even though on the surface they look easy.

Peter and I talked our way around this for our clients and had independently landed on the same conclusion.

Although our programs are not identical, we have adopted the same principles.

Programs beat one-off workshops. Single-session events are enjoyable for facilitators and participants alike, but phased programs deliver durable results. One-off workshops, less so, unless you are learning something easy.

Practice beats presentations. If I had to choose, I’d dump the workshops altogether and go for small-group coaching on live work. Peter feels the same. Structured communication seems easy but requires practice to do well.

Pacing beats one-size-fits-all. Learners absorb fundamentals best at their own speed, freeing live sessions to complete simple exercises and apply concepts to their own real work. We've both built on-demand modules to enable this and adapt our workshops and coaching to meet our clients where they are at.

Partnership beats solo study. On-demand learning is too easy to multi-task through or postpone. Layering in workshops and coaching creates the accountability that drives real progress.

Platforms beat plane tickets. Online programs work better than many expect. They naturally support a phased rhythm, strip out travel costs, and give participants real flexibility. When incorporating small-group work and the associated accountability, they are also great for team building.

I was fascinated that we had both come to the same place and thought this might help you think about your own next learning journey.

More soon,
Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

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ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves 'nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.

Nervous about presenting? That’s good news.

Nervous about presenting? That’s good news.

Do you worry about having enough presence to be influential?

Maybe you feel nervous speaking in front of senior people. Maybe you feel less polished than the colleagues around you.

That discomfort is good news. It means you care enough to succeed. It probably also means you have more of what it takes than you realize.

Here are three ways to build your presence that have nothing to do with how you show up in the room.

  1. Treat imposter syndrome as a growth signal, not a character flaw. That uncomfortable feeling means you're operating at the edge of your capability. That's exactly where growth happens. Welcome it.
  2. Lay the table before you arrive. Send a clear agenda with a defined purpose. Circulate quality pre-reading. Have one-to-ones with key stakeholders beforehand. If you're joining online, check your lighting, audio and background. Walk in already ahead.
  3. Trust your message. You know your material. Nobody else in the room does. Distil your thinking into one core message and no more than five supporting points. Keep it close. If time is cut or questions throw you, you'll know exactly where to return.

Influence isn't about looking good. It's about being good.

More soon,

Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

RELATED POSTS

The art of less

The art of less

Your team worked hard on that doc. But does it tell the decision-maker what they actually need? Here's how to strip it back to what matters.

The best way to grow

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Want to get better at structured communication? Two experts independently landed on the same answer: the 5 Ps. Here's what they are and why they work.

How to hook your audience

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Do you want to hook your audience right away? You either need to warm them up or wake them up. Learn how to grab your audience's attention.

ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves ‘nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.

Addition bias – why your messages aren’t landing

Addition bias – why your messages aren’t landing

Have you heard of addition bias?

It's the brain's default assumption: more equals better.

Don't understand a presentation? Ask for more data. Not sure what to say? Add more detail.

Ikea faced this head-on.

Their founder, Ingvar Kamprad, saw his top performers burning out by their mid-30s. Nothing had outwardly changed. But they were drained.

They weren't lazy. They were young. Energy shouldn't have been the issue.

Kamprad called it The Manager's Trap.

Every new problem triggered the same instinct: add more. More meetings. More tools. More rules. More complexity masquerading as progress.

Your communication works the same way.

When a message isn't landing, the instinct is to explain more, add more slides, or schedule another meeting.

Kamprad's fix was brutal in its simplicity: if it isn't working, don't add. Simplify.

That principle changed how his teams worked. It can change how you communicate.

More soon,

Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

RELATED POSTS

The art of less

The art of less

Your team worked hard on that doc. But does it tell the decision-maker what they actually need? Here's how to strip it back to what matters.

The best way to grow

The best way to grow

Want to get better at structured communication? Two experts independently landed on the same answer: the 5 Ps. Here's what they are and why they work.

ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves 'nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.

You think you are slacking. Your brain knows better.

You think you are slacking. Your brain knows better.

Do you feel guilty taking your morning coffee to the back deck on a work day?

The thought crossed my mind as I soaked up this morning’s early spring sunshine.

As I batted it away, another thought took its place.

This is where the real thinking happens. Where dots connect. Where ideas gel.

That stolen half hour is what psychologists call diffused thinking. It’s where we work without feeling like we’re working.

Most of the time we operate in focused thinking. Head down. Tail up. Thumping the keyboard.

Both are not just useful but essential.

It’s why my learning programs happen in small chunks.

Not just for digestibility, but to let ideas percolate between sessions. To leave room for the thinking that doesn’t feel like thinking.

When did you last allow yourself 15 minutes in the sun on a work day? Did anything surprise you when you did?

Go on. Even if you are in the office, sneak off for 15 minutes to think.

You’ll be glad you did.

More soon,
Davina

Whenever you're ready, here are five other ways I can help you:

 

Elevate, the book helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the bookhelps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

 

RELATED POSTS

The art of less

The art of less

Your team worked hard on that doc. But does it tell the decision-maker what they actually need? Here's how to strip it back to what matters.

The best way to grow

The best way to grow

Want to get better at structured communication? Two experts independently landed on the same answer: the 5 Ps. Here's what they are and why they work.

How to hook your audience

How to hook your audience

Do you want to hook your audience right away? You either need to warm them up or wake them up. Learn how to grab your audience's attention.

ABOUT AUTHOR: DAVINA STANLEY

I love what I do.

I help senior leaders and their teams prepare high-quality papers and presentations in a fraction of the time.

This involves 'nailing' the message that will quickly engage decision makers in the required outcome.

I leverage 25+ years' experience including

  • learning structured thinking techniques at McKinsey in Hong Kong in the mid 1990s before coaching and training their teams globally as a freelancer for a further 15 years
  • being approved to teach the Pyramid Principle by Barbara Minto in 2009
  • helping CEOs, C-suite leaders and their reports deeply understand their stakeholder needs and communicate accordingly
  • seeing leaders cut the number of times they review major papers by ~30% and teams cut the amount of time they take to prepare major papers by ~20%*
  • watching senior meetings focus on substantive discussions and better decisions rather than trying to clarify the issue

My approach helps anyone who needs to engage senior leaders and Boards.

Recent clients include 7Eleven, KPMG, Mercer, Meta, Woolworths.

Learn more at www.clarityfirstprogram.com

 

(*) Numbers are based on 2023 client benchmarking results.