The voice in your head is your most influential direct report.

Most of us spend enormous energy crafting how we communicate to boards, teams, clients, and the media.

We pay far less attention to the conversation looping inside our heads, which shapes much of our decision-making and, frankly, our confidence.

Our self-talk is not background noise. It is strategy. And like any strategy, small adjustments compound into dramatically different outcomes.

I’ve applied them to set up six language shifts, ordered by how often I see them derail good leaders, that you can start using this week

Drop the diminutives

“I just wanted to ask…“→“I want to ask…“

Words like just, I think, perhaps, and sort of are self-undermining qualifiers. They signal uncertainty before you have said anything worth doubting. They are almost always habitual rather than intentional, and they cost us credibility one sentence at a time.

Example: “I just thought this might be worth considering” becomes “This is worth considering.” The idea hasn't changed. The authority behind it has.

Swap “I have to” for “I get to”

“I have to present to the board.“→“I get to present to the board.”

This is not toxic positivity. It is a factual reframe. The framing of obligation creates low-grade dread; the framing of opportunity activates engagement. Over a career, the aggregate difference in energy, preparation, and performance between these two orientations is enormous.

Example: “I have to do another performance review cycle” versus “I get to set the tone for how 200 people think about their growth this quarter.”

Name your feelings precisely, and positively

“I'm so stressed about this.“→“I'm energised by this challenge.”

Physiologically, stress and excitement are nearly identical. The label you apply determines the trajectory. Research on emotional granularity, the ability to name feelings precisely, consistently shows that people who differentiate their emotions more finely regulate them better. Calling it stress narrows your options. Calling it urgency, or anticipation, or focus opens them.

Example: Before a high-stakes negotiation, “I love this kind of pressure” changes your posture, your tone, and ultimately your outcome.

Assume next time might be better

“I always freeze in conflict.“→“This time, I froze in conflict.“

Absolute language — always, never, I'm the kind of person who — converts a single data point into a life sentence. It forecloses growth before you have even started. “This time” creates space for a different outcome next time, and it is more empirically accurate.

Example: “I never nail the opening” becomes “This time the opening felt flat. What would I do differently?” One version closes the loop; the other keeps it open.

Add the word “yet”

“I'm not good at delegation.“→“I'm not good at delegation yet.“

Carol Dweck's growth mindset research made “yet” famous in education. It belongs equally in the executive toolkit. A single three-letter word shifts a fixed-state assessment into a trajectory. It tells your brain there is something worth doing next.

Example: “I'm not comfortable in unstructured creative sessions yet” signals to yourself — and any colleague listening — that this is a gap you are actively closing, not a ceiling.

Use your name when stressed

“I'm not good at presenting to big groups.”→“Davina, you've spoken to tougher crowds than this.“

Psychologist Ethan Cross and colleagues at the University of Michigan found that using our names, rather than just saying ‘I’ reduces emotions measurably and instantly, without using up the brain power that extra emotional regulation requires.

Example: “Davina, you have done harder things than this before” helps you visualise past challenges that you have overcome, reminding yourself that you can surmount this challenge too.

It’s so easy to get into bad habits with our self talk. I hope these help you bolster yours.

More soon,
Davina

Elevate, the book – helps leaders set their teams up to set up a new dynamic across their team that will elevate everyone’s skills, helping the team get better, faster decisions.

Engage, the book – helps individual contributors prepare papers and presentations that leaders can approve without reworking.

Engage, the self-paced course  – supports both individuals and leaders prepare more insightful papers and presentations for senior leaders and boards.

Extreme Clarity, the 2-hour workshop – introduces techniques for structuring your messaging.

Board Paper Bootcamp, the 2-week program – helps you clarify and convey complex ideas to senior leaders and boards.

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